HELLO FRIEND!! :')

my heart starts to beat faster and harder, my lips begin to smile and my face lit up whenever i see you. but those are useless. you don't even know that i'm staring at you. you don't even see me passing by you. so what's the sense?? EVERYTHING MAKE SENSE. i'm happy with this, i should be. i prefer to love you from a distance. i prefer to hide this feelings from you cause i know i won't experience love back.


but am i really happy?? satisfied?? i guess i'm not.. i couldn't do anything. we've always been like this.. JUST FRIENDS, yet we seemed to look like a couple whenever we're together.. that may be the reason why i fell for you and i guess i'll always be falling for you.. maybe i was wrong, maybe i've misunderstood or misinterpret everything. maybe i'll always be just a friend for you. i'll never be the right one.. if that is, then just please stop being sooo good, sooo sweet and sooo concern about me. i've gotta wake up from this hideous feelings that i have for you... i'm not a kid no more and i've been through a lot.. i guess that's enough to keep me in reality that i'll just hurt nobody but my self if i continue this.. this doesn't mean goodbye but instead, HELLO FRIEND!! :')

the other side :((

Some things are not supposed to be done.. some things are not supposed to happen, but there are such things that occur in our life that made us think, is it the right thing?

I, myself, did stupid things without thinking if it is wrong or right. and after doing such things i feel miserable. what was i thinking? why did i do such thing? why did i let my self got in to this situation? now, i can't do anything bout it anymore. all i can do is to accept that what i just did was wrong and whatever people may think of me may be right.

i'm pretty much confused of what i'm feeling now, i feel down but why should i be? i did this and so i have to face it. i knew it would be wrong, i knew i could hurt some one and i know what it feels like to be in her situation yet i continued. and the other thing was, i was so thrilled, excited and i'm enjoying such things. I'VE NEVER FELT SO GOOD TO BE SOOOO BAD.. but i gotta STOP. this is wrong, this is not who i am. this wasn't me or maybe this is the other side of me.

if it is the other side of me, then i got to stop myself from being the bad me..