i have loved so much, i have cared a lot, i have given enough but despite of those that had happened i had shed a river of tears.
i love the feeling of being in love. it makes me happy, it's new, exciting, extraordinary, no words can explain the exact feeling of someone who is in love. it's the reason why you wake up every morning with a smile on your face. the reason why you are in a good mood while everybody is not. the reason why you breath and live each day of your life to the fullest.
however, not everyone is lucky enough to find their love right away. nightmares come along the way. from time to time you'll have your heart broken.
i've been broken and i guess i still am. i have given my heart to someone whom i thought i'll end up with, whom i thought i'll spend the rest of my life with and to someone whom i thought i'll have a happy ending with. but every thing fall into pieces, everything was suddenly a room full of nothing. a dark, cold room with no one but myself. i was scared, i was so alone, all i can do is shout but it seems like no one can hear me. i end up crying and crying and crying 'till i can no longer shed a tear. i took a deep breathe, look up and stop crying. what's the point of crying if he, himself doesn't care anymore? there's no more sense of crying. nothing would happen if i won't move on.
i have loved again, i have cared a lot again, i have given enough again. and once again i end up being broken.
this time i have to be wiser. i couldn't afford to be left behind again. i'm scared of getting lost in that dark room all by myself again. i'm soooo tired of having everything done all over again. i'm afraid to fall in love and give everything once again cause i fear that if it happen, i may no longer have a heart to give cause i've given it all and nothing is left for me....
my heart starts to beat faster and harder, my lips begin to smile and my face lit up whenever i see you. but those are useless. you don't even know that i'm staring at you. you don't even see me passing by you. so what's the sense?? EVERYTHING MAKE SENSE. i'm happy with this, i should be. i prefer to love you from a distance. i prefer to hide this feelings from you cause i know i won't experience love back.
but am i really happy?? satisfied?? i guess i'm not.. i couldn't do anything. we've always been like this.. JUST FRIENDS, yet we seemed to look like a couple whenever we're together.. that may be the reason why i fell for you and i guess i'll always be falling for you.. maybe i was wrong, maybe i've misunderstood or misinterpret everything. maybe i'll always be just a friend for you. i'll never be the right one.. if that is, then just please stop being sooo good, sooo sweet and sooo concern about me. i've gotta wake up from this hideous feelings that i have for you... i'm not a kid no more and i've been through a lot.. i guess that's enough to keep me in reality that i'll just hurt nobody but my self if i continue this.. this doesn't mean goodbye but instead, HELLO FRIEND!! :')
Some things are not supposed to be done.. some things are not supposed to happen, but there are such things that occur in our life that made us think, is it the right thing?
I, myself, did stupid things without thinking if it is wrong or right. and after doing such things i feel miserable. what was i thinking? why did i do such thing? why did i let my self got in to this situation? now, i can't do anything bout it anymore. all i can do is to accept that what i just did was wrong and whatever people may think of me may be right.
i'm pretty much confused of what i'm feeling now, i feel down but why should i be? i did this and so i have to face it. i knew it would be wrong, i knew i could hurt some one and i know what it feels like to be in her situation yet i continued. and the other thing was, i was so thrilled, excited and i'm enjoying such things. I'VE NEVER FELT SO GOOD TO BE SOOOO BAD.. but i gotta STOP. this is wrong, this is not who i am. this wasn't me or maybe this is the other side of me.
if it is the other side of me, then i got to stop myself from being the bad me..
